Describe the saddest time in your life.

The saddest time of my life was probably 1992. I was 15, and at school, in my Standard Grade year.

My grandfather had two cousins, J and E. Grandma worked with J during the war, which was how she met my Grandad. She got to know E and they were all great friends. When my grandparents were overseas, and my mum and her brother were at boarding school, they used to stay with Aunty J during their half terms. Aunty E had a husband and daughter of her own, but AJ and her husband had never been blessed with children, which was a great pity as she would have been a truly wonderful mother.

So, AJ and AE were always known as Aunties – and they were much loved by all of us. For me, it was like having two extra grandmothers. In 1992 AE discovered that she had cancer. She got sicker and sicker, and eventually she couldn’t live alone any more. Her daughter, L, was living with her husband in Scotland, quite near to us, by then, so it was decided that she should come up to Scotland to spend her final months. My mum and L went south to collect her in our Ford Sierra estate. They had discussed her being transported to Scotland by ambulance, but the logistics of that were just ridiculous. They would have had to change ambulance at EVERY county border, and it wasn’t feasible. They put down the back seats in the Sierra and put a mattress, duvet and pillows in there for AE. They then gave her sleeping tablets so that she could sleep for most of the 8hr journey. It went without a hitch, and they reached Scotland safely.

While AE was in Scotland, her sister, AJ, came up to visit her, along with her 84yr old live in lover, UC. She had discovered, while all this had been going on, that she too had cancer and it was terminal. I think they both had stomach cancer. She stayed with us while she was there, as it would have been too much for L to deal with.

AE died in August. I didn’t go to the funeral – I discussed it with my mum and she said she didn’t think it was necessary that I went, but it was up to me to decide. She was cremated, and I’ve always hated the idea of cremation. I didn’t think I could deal with that, so I didn’t go. I think I made the right decision.

After the funeral, my mum talked with AJ to find out what she wanted to do. They discussed her going home to her flat in the south of England, with no family around to support her and an overloaded health care system as opposed to her staying with us in Scotland, with all her family around and an excellent health care system. We all decided, as a family, including AJ and LIL UC (live in lover UC), that she would stay, and I think that she was relieved by the decision.

However, it meant a shift around in bedrooms. My mum asked Grandma to stay to help her (remember, I was only 15), so she had the small bedroom upstairs. I still had my room, as my mum thought it was necessary to try to preserve some normality for my sake. We transformed the study downstairs into a bedroom for AJ and UC, and they had sole use of the living room. Sole use mainly because there was no way we could listen to the TV at the same volume as UC, or put up with him squeaking his shoes or listen to his squealing hearing aid, which obviously didn’t work. We sat every evening on stools in the kitchen, or I went to my bedroom.

They stayed with us for five months. It was hard. This much loved aunty was dying before our eyes, and there wasn’t a thing we could do about it. She had several heart attacks, and stayed several times in the terminal ward in the local hospital, which was fantastic. Her care couldn’t have been better. Our doctors were fantastic, and close to the end, we had a Marie Curie nurse come in overnight to make sure she was ok. Several times, I went straight from school to the hospital to meet my mum there.

There were some “up” times during this period. I remember when it was UC’s birthday – I promised to make him a birthday cake, and duly set about doing it. I had all the ingredients in the bowl of the Kenwood Chef, went to get a couple of eggs from the fridge, cracked them into the bowl only to discover that they were hard boiled!! If you read both of my blogs, you will understand how I feel about eggs, so this was a major disaster! I literally had to start again, as I couldn’t make a cake that had been contaminated with cooked eggs! It gave everyone a good laugh!

Also, UC was a bit forgetful I think, and a couple of times a week he would bung me a fiver! He kept me in cigarettes all that time, and I have to say I did need them to stay sane. I know, I was only fifteen, but I think it kept me calm. My mum had no idea at the time, although she does now.

I must have been more stressed than I realised, because I didn’t have a period during the whole time they were there. I was delighted at the time, but looking back, it shows that I was actually having a tough time, only not admitting it.

We did try to make their time with us a bit fun – we took them to some local botanical gardens and various other places, and made sure we got out and about a little, while AJ was still up to it.

It about October, my mum contacted a few family members to tell them to come now, if they wanted to see her. They did come – my aunt came back all the way from Saudi Arabia, and AJ knew nothing about it, until she walked into her hospital ward. She was so pleased – she kept telling all the nurses how far her niece had come to see her. She must have known why, but as far as I know, she always tried to keep her spirits up. Possibly, alone with UC or my mum she didn’t, but I was never aware of it.

She died in November, 13 weeks after AE had died. My mum had asked her what she wanted, and it was to be buried in our local cemetery, which was outside the village, in the most peaceful spot imaginable.

We had the church service in our local town, and the man that did the eulogy was UC’s son, who she had known since he was a little boy. It was possibly the best thing he ever said. By the time we got to Abide With Me, no one could sing.

In the cemetery quite a few people from the village had come, as well as family, to pay their respects, although no one knew her well because she hadn’t been there that long. It was a sunny day, but absolutely freezing – that Scottish cold that goes right through to your bones.

L had a headstone erected a little while later, which had both AJ’s and AE’s names on it. Simple, but lovely.

I have never experienced anything that was as hard to go through, or as sad, as those few months, and I hope I never do again. Is was exceedingly painful for the entire family, not only because we lots both of them within such a short time of each other, but because it was long and protracted, and they went through such pain.

I think it made all of us stronger. Some good came out of it – my mum went back to redo her nurses training after almost thirty years. Unfortunately, she didn’t quite get to qualify as her back let her down, as it had done thirty years before. But, she’s an almost nurse, and much better and more empathetic than any nurse I have seen. She’s a born nurse, and it’s a great pity that twice, she didn’t get to complete her course.