Merry Christmas, Joyeux Noël, Feliz Navidad, Fröhliche Weihnachten, Geseënde Kersfees & Nollaig Chridheil!

Merry Christmas Everybody!

What was your favorite thing to do for fun (movies, beach, etc.)?

We had so many things to do for fun when I was growing up.

As I have mentioned (possibly in my other blog, Random Ramblings and Recipes) we often went to the Lake for a weekend, or more sometimes. That was fantastic – it was like a paradise. There were two or three cottages we used to stay in – one was the Namingomba Cottage, another the Cook’s Cottage, and the third was the Brown and Clapperton’s Cottage.

In the latter we had to make sure all the doors and windows were closed otherwise the monkeys would get in and steal our food! They also had three geese (or ducks, but if they were ducks they were bloody massive!) who always walked around as though they were one! At breakfast time the cook would go out to the back of the house and pick the grapefruit, and at drinks time he would go out and pick the lemons.

The beach at that particular cottage was entirely private, surrounded by rocky outcrops. We had it all to ourselves. It was magical, and it was truly a paradise.

Apart from going to the Lake, we would also go to game reserves, but that was more a passion of my dad’s at the time. Had I been the age I am now I would have appreciated it so much more – I could have waited for hours in hides just to get that perfect shot – photographic, not bullets!

We also went to the drive-in cinema quite often. We had a VW Combi, which was incredibly cool and…oh god, I just realised it probably wasn’t that retro then – I must be getting old! Anyway, it had an extended roof on it, so you could actually stand up inside to your full height. It didn’t fit through the barrier at the drive-in, so we had to go in the exit. It was great though, because all around us (well, in front of us, we had to go at the back being the biggest vehicle) there were people in cars, sitting in car seats being not very comfortable really! Whereas we had beds in our combi, plus a fridge, so we could have ice cold drinks. The adults could watch the film while drinking G&T’s with ice and lemon! It was all very civilised! And when it got too late for little me, I would just go to bed!

There was a great caterer at the drive-in too – we would have piri piri chicken, which was beautiful!

The only downside to the drive-in experience was that the sound quality was crap, but hey…I’ve experienced what most people only see in American teen movies! Only I was a child at the time, so there was no getting on at the drive-in!

We also went swimming a lot and had parties at different peoples’ houses.

All in all, it was a fun childhood really!

I will find some photos to post on here. I’m sure there must be some somewhere!

What kind of games did you play growing up?

When I was growing up, skipping was still quite cool – well, in primary school anyway! It’s probably not allowed now in case a skipping little girl gets caught up in the rope and throttles herself!

Anyway, every break time we would get out the big, long skipping rope and skip. We could even skip with two ropes being swung in opposite directions – if that makes any sense!

There was also this toy that I begged for months to be able to get – they were so cool at the time! I can’t remember what they were called, or even what happened to mine, but they were big balls with a sort of disc thing around the middle. Basically, you stood on the disc bit and bounced up and down – sort of a pogo ball! It was so cool, and if you didn’t have one then you really weren’t worth knowing! Maybe it was just my school…!

How cool is that – I found one for you! Mine was a yellow ball with a black disc.
I just found this site which reminded me of a lot of the toys that I had growing up in the 80’s – I even recognised some of the glow worms – I had totally forgotten about them! I also had My Little Ponies and She’Ra toys!

I played with Sindy’s a lot – in those days they were much better than Barbies. My cousins had Action Men – they were a bit the worse for wear though! One of them had his foot held on by some string wrapped around it! Obviously, my Sindys and their Action Men were married!

The games I played with my friends were pretty normal – judging by what isla says they still play the same sort of things now – mummies and daddies, playing teacher etc! Also, in France they still do hopscotch (called La Marelle here) – I have no idea if they still do that in UK or not. Probably not – hopping’s probably banned as a dangerous sport! I do know that in a lot of places in UK, playing conkers is banned – ridiculous!

NB. Photograph not my own work

Were there any special items in the house that you remember?

The only item I remember, that has made a lasting impression on me, was a lamp owned by my Grandma. She still has it in her flat now. It was bought in Singapore, when they lived there, and is an abacus, with a square red lampshade with a Chinese character on it. No idea what it says though!

I suppose the bed that is now mine is a memorable one. My mum and dad bought it in Malawi for themselves. It is made from cedarwood, and has a very intricately carved headboard. It’s very comfortable too!
We’ve never had antiques or anything like that – I don’t know why anyone would want to spend thousands on other peoples’ second hand tat!

New Christmassy Templates

I love these templates! I found the link bar (which you will see in icky orange at the top of my page) on someone else's blog tonight, clicked on it and found Christmas templates! Which, given my Christmassy feeling, seemed like the perfect thing to do to my blogs!

Click here if you want your blog to look all Christmassy and groovy! It tells you how to change the template too - it's complicated html stuff, but not that hard.

Beware though, you will lose all your widgets. What I did was to save all the html detail on word, and then copy and paste it back into new gadgets.

What was the house like that you grew up in?

The first house I lived in as a child was in Portsmouth – Cosham to be exact. It was a typical 1920’s/30’s style end of terrace house. There was a small, walled patch of garden in front, and quite a long garden at the back. I will post a photo when I can find one. Downstairs there was a hallway, a long kitchen, a dining room and quite a large sitting room. There was also a cupboard under the stairs. Upstairs there three bedrooms – one large one at the front of the house, and two smaller ones at the back. There was also a bathroom, and it had glass in the door – you know the sort of glass that is patterned so you can’t see through it. I only lived there until I was 3½ but Grandma and Grandad had bought it I suppose in the early 50’s. I don’t remember much about it apart from the fact that it always felt like a home, but I suppose that’s because my mum, aunt and uncle had all spent a large part of their growing up years there, and even though they were overseas a lot, it was always home to them when they came back.

When we lived in Malawi we lived in a rented house that my dad already had. It was a bungalow with a corrugated iron roof – bloody noisy in a rainstorm! As you want through the front door off the khonde (veranda) you stepped into a very large room which was, to the right a sitting room and to the left the dining room. Off the dining room end, to the right, was the kitchen and pantry. At the back of the kitchen there was a small area where the Rhodesian boiler was which was used to heat the water. More on this later. At the end of the dining room there was a door which led into quite a dark corridor – it seemed dark, but maybe that’s just because the doors were shut! The first door on the left was my bedroom which was a light, airy room. On the right there was another bedroom which always seemed quite dark to me. At the end of the corridor was my mum and dad’s room, which was another light airy one with lots of windows and a frangipane tree outside. Just before you got to their room in the corridor, on the right was the bathroom and a separate toilet.
The garden was massive. There was a vegetable garden, a large chicken run where we also had ducks, and a wooded area. I loved playing in that wooded area – it was “my” forest! The front part of the garden was terraced and there was a swing, which I loved. There was also a seesaw to start with. It was a cool seesaw, which not only went up and down, but round and round too! Unfortunately, after one little girl broke her arm at a birthday party the seesaw was put away, and never again saw the light of day.

When we moved back to Scotland in 1986 we lived in a typical Galloway cottage which was between 300 and 350 years old. It was beautiful, made from granite, and had originally been two cottages, presumably tied cottages for farm labourers. You can see quite clearly in the stonework on the front of the house that there were originally two front doors. On the right hand side of the house (from the front) was an extension which had been added in 1865 to accommodate the village post office. By the time we moved there it hadn’t been the post office ofr a very long time, but there were the odd clues as to it’s former occupation – the floor was concrete in that room, rather than the wood of the rest of the house, because it had housed the post office safe which needed a solid floor. It became our study.
Anyway, as you walked in the front door, you came into a hallway. To the left was the sitting room with a granite fireplace that we built ourselves, replacing the ghastly green faux marble one that was there when we moved in! In the hallway itself were the stairs and the bathroom which was partly under the stairs. To the right was the dining room (which became a sitting room in the winter as it had three inside walls and was much cosier). At the back of the dining room was a door into the kitchen, and on the right of the dining room was a door into the study.
Upstairs there was a landing with airing cupboards. On the left was my bedroom and on the right was a small box room, converted into a cute one person bedroom with a skylight window. Also on the right was my parents’ bedroom. Both of the bigger bedroom were a good size, with lovely dormer windows.

The garden was a large one, for a village house, and went all around the house, which was detached. The garden was surrounded at the front and one side by a hedge, along the other side by a dry stone dyke (dry stone wall), and along the back by a fence. Our view out of the kitchen at the back of the house was just fields full of sheep or cows, a small forest of pine trees, an old motte and far in the distance a large hill (not quite a mountain) called Carsphairn. It was beautiful, and we used to watch the lambs playing in the spring.

When I was a student, I lived in halls at Heriot Watt, Edinburgh for the first year. I had a room which had a single bed, a desk and a wash basin – and that was it!

After that, I moved into digs in town which was ok. It was a town house in a quiet street just off the Dalry Road near the Haymarket. Downstairs there were offices, and a kitchen which I could use, and upstairs there were three large bedroom rented out. It was comfortable, and eventually Colin moved in with me there. We only moved out because I got pregnant, and we couldn’t comfortably stay there.

We moved from there into a flat in Moredun. Not the most salubrious of places, and we were on the 10th floor! We had a fantastic view over the city – we had an almost 360° view from the Pentlands, across the city with Edinburgh Castle and Arthur’s Seat all the way across the Firth of Forth. The flat itself was quite nice, and we decorated it and made it homely. The kitchen was a bit crappy though! As you walked in the front door immediately in front was a large walk in cupboard, which quickly became a dumping ground for junk and boxes! Then there was a hallway – the first bedroom on the left was Isla’s, once she was born. The second room on the left was our bedroom. On the right was a small bathroom. There was also a cupboard on the left for linen etc. Then there was a very large sitting room, and the kitchen. It wasn’t the best area in town, but it was ok.

Then I came to France. Our house now is a lot different to what it was then . When I first arrived there were the four of us in the same bedroom, but quite quickly we renovated another room for me and Isla.

Now we have three bedrooms, and a hallway! From the front door you enter the sitting room with big old beams, and a massive fireplace with a woodburning stove. To the right is a door into the kitchen. To the left is a door which goes into a hallway. The first door on the right is my bedroom, which has a door into Isla’s room. The second door on the right goes into the bathroom, which also leads into Isla’s room. The door on the left goes into my mum and dad’s room, which is in the process of being plastered and decorated. There are another couple of big rooms downstairs to be renovated, and two large rooms and a massive balcony upstairs to be done.

The garden is massive, with a few straggly vines at the back, loads of fruit trees and the pièce de résistance – the pool!

What would you like your epitaph to say?

I’ve never really thought about it! I like Billy Connolly’s idea – he said that his would be written in tiny words on his gravestone so that the reader would have to go right up to it to read it. It would say “You’re standing on my balls”! For obvious reasons, that would not be suitable for me!

I do know what I want my funeral to be like. None of this bright colours and celebrate my life rubbish – I want people to MOURN me! Black bombazine for a year at least!

My hymns will be Abide With Me and The Day Thou Gavest Lord Is Ended.
The poems will be Remember Me by Christina Rossetti, and Funeral Blues by WH Auden.

My wake will be full of drink and people wailing – if there are not enough of these (although There bloody well should be or I’ll haunt you all!) then you can hire professional mourners. You know, the type that wail hysterically and for prolonged periods!

Seriously though, I would just want something simple. Something that means something to those that are left. Something like “Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep”! Something to comfort those who loved me.

Tell me something you think I won’t know about you.

When I was about 4 or 5 years old I shoplifted. I have no idea what possessed me to do it. We were in the Central Bookshop on Victoria Avenue in Blantyre, Malawi (as opposed to Blantyre, Scotland as some of my readers are in Scotland!). I was an ambitious shoplifter – I took a bookmark!! My mum discovered what I had done when we were half way down the street. She was furious, and marched me straight back up to the bookshop to confess my sin and apologise for it. We went into the bookshop, and I had to explain to Hamid (the owner) what I had done, and that I was extremely sorry for it, and I would never do it again!

I was ashamed and mortified, although he was very nice and understanding about it. My mum’s methods had their desired effect though – I never again stole anything!

With hindsight what would you do differently?

When I left school I went to university. I had good grades for my Highers, and I thought it was expected of me – in fact as I have said before, I expected it of myself.

Looking back now, and looking at the various things I have done for jobs, I should have gone to catering college on leaving schools. Although I have worked as a chef, I am not qualified. All that I know is self taught (and taught by my mum), and I have experience. I have experience of working in busy kitchens, catering for parties at home, being a personal chef to large families, and pre-preparing meals for peoples’ freezers.

When I left school I didn’t even think of becoming a chef. It didn’t occur to me until I was working in a pub, and desperately wanted to work in the kitchen because, I believed, I was a much better cook that the person who was there! Which I was – modest too!

If I had gone to catering college I could have ended up with a much better job, with better pay. However, working in that trade is never well paid. And the hours are terrible, especially for a single parent.

I have also thought that I should have gone into nursing. Not from any overwhelming need to help people, but because when my mum went back to studying in her 40’s I helped her a lot. I learnt all that she learnt just from helping her study, and it would have been nice to have benefitted from that! The wages and hours are crap again though!

Back to the drawing board I guess!

What is the biggest regret in your life? Can you do anything about it now?

I don’t actually have very many regrets in my life. There are things that I would like to have done, but that’s not really the same as regretting what I did or didn’t do.

The only thing I do regret is not having had more children. I know I’m only 31, and I do still have time (dependent on finding some nice man somewhere), but I do regret not having had a brother or sister for Isla close to her age.

I was an only child and, although I was brought up closely with my cousins, it wasn’t the same as having a brother or a sister. On the other hand, it did mean that I have never had to deal with sibling rivalry – at least not first hand – and have never had to put up with the fights that can only happen between sisters. For some reason, I think that only sisters can hurt each other like no one else can.

I regret not having more money, but that’s something that we all regret!

What have you found most difficult in your life?

I think the most difficult times I have had in my life were when I was at boarding school and university.

My mum and dad first sent me to boarding school because the local primary was rubbish. The teacher I had was ignorant – had I stayed another couple of years I would have got a brilliant teacher, but my mum and dad decided they couldn’t wait that long, and sent me to the local prep school – thanks to a very clever headmaster who managed to get me an assisted place along with the scholarship that I had already won. I liked the teachers, and the work was ok, it was just that I didn’t like staying away from home. I would have loved it there if I could have been a day pupil, but boarding made me miserable.

From the prep school I won a scholarship to Fettes College in Edinburgh. This soon turned into the most miserable and difficult time I have ever had in my life. The work was hard – as I have said before I have only really been good at languages, and I got into trouble for not doing well in other subjects. I started to misbehave – just a little! I started smoking – not because it was cool I don’t think, just because I felt like it. A friend and I would meet another friend in the woods and smoke there. We got a little more adventurous after a while, and snuck out of our bedroom windows with a couple of older girls and sat on the ledge, three floors up at night! It wasn’t long until we were caught. One of the mothers had driven past at night, seen our glowing cigarettes, reported us, and our house mistress called the whole dormitory for a meeting. She explained how it had been reported, that cigarette ends had been found below the windows, and that the people responsible had to own up or everyone would be punished severely – typical adult threat – she couldn’t really have punished all of us, but the main threat was that if we didn’t own up and we were found out we would be expelled. So, the four of us owned up. We were then packed away to the Sanatorium (sick bay) for the night, while our parents were informed that we had been suspended. They were to come and collect us the next day. We had a wicked night locked away in the San that night! We laughed and joked and took pictures, but the next morning when we woke up we were all quite subdued. We had to go and see the headmaster, who gave us a stern talking to, talked a lot about responsibility etc, and that as well as suspension we had to pay a £30 fine which would be sent to Cancer Research – no idea if it ever was sent.

My mum and dad hit the roof. My cousin was staying with us at the time, he was at my old prep school, and had apparently also been playing up a bit at the same time. His parents were overseas at the time. The way I saw it, I got an extra week’s half term – my mum and dad didn’t quite see it the same way. After a couple of days it all calmed down, and by the time I went back to school we were quite light hearted about it. My mum said that if the housemistress gave me a hard time I should tell her that I’d been to confession, confessed my sins and been absolved by the priest, so if God had absolved me there was nothing she could do about it!

I really did try to buckle down after I went back to school. I tried to work hard. I arranged with the English teacher I’d had the previous year for some extra lessons – that was wrong as he wasn’t the teacher I had for that year. I didn’t get on with my current teacher, and got on great with the last teacher, who also happened to be the deputy head, and was lovely and more than willing to help me. The housemistress said I had to cancel the lessons – I did, and he wasn’t at all happy with what I had been told to do. She used to delight in upsetting me and making me cry, to then accuse me of putting it on, and only crying “crocodile tears”. I got more and more miserable, and spent hours on the phone to my mum crying my eyes out. Eventually my mum had enough of this, and phoned the housemistress to try to find out exactly why I was so unhappy. The housemistress said that she couldn’t possibly spare the time to talk to her as she was late for lunch, and put the phone down on her. My mum was hopping mad, turned up at the weekend to take me out for the weekend, and the only time I went back was to pack all my things up.

After that I went to school in Dumfries, and, once I had made the friends that became friends for life, I was extremely happy there.

University was another matter. I went because I thought it was expected of me. Certainly my teachers expected it, I thought my parents expected it, and I definitely expected it of myself. It was not at all what I imagined. I thought I was studying languages, which would have been fine, but there were all these modules I had to take like Business Studies, Economics and Accounting which I just couldn’t get my head around. In fact, despite the fact that my dad used to be an accountant and tried to help me, I failed Accounting about 5 times!

I got very depressed at uni, and ended up taking anti depressants for a while, which didn’t actually help the situation. Also, I was working at two part time jobs to make ends meet, and I just couldn’t do it any more. At the end of second year I decided to drop out and work full time, which was a good decision, even with hindsight.

I have had other difficult periods of my life, but none that made me as miserable as boarding school or university.

If you won the Lottery, what would you do with the money, and why?

If I won the lottery – and I’m talking a big win here, like £50 million or so I would do so many things! The first thing I would do is have a massive party! Then I would give my parents a LOT of money to finish the house and then do whatever they liked.

I would buy myself a house in Scotland and a fab car, and I would have lots of dogs. Isla would go to a good state school – none of those private schools! I would donate money to the SSPCA and would dog walk for them – just for a reason to get out of bed every day!

We would have fantastic holidays every year to the Caribbean, or Australia.

There would be none of this “money won’t change the way I live” crap. It certainly would change the way I live – I’d have a blast!

If you were an animal, what type of an animal would you be, and why?

If I was an animal I would be one of my own dogs – spoilt and loved!

Tell me about the dreams you have for your life.

I dream that one day I will meet the man of my dreams. He will be tall, dark and handsome. He will want children, and be fantastic with Isla. He will want to sweep me off my feet. We will live in Australia (where there are miraculously no beasties any more – it’s a dream remember!) and go to the beach every day à la Home and Away! OR, we will live somewhere like Devon or Cornwall, in a little stone cottage with roses around the door with our own private little beach OR we will win the lottery and live in a Scottish baronial castle OR we will live in a croft in the highlands cut off from everything except the phone and internet. Actually that last one is probably more likely when tall, dark and handsome buggers off and I’m left all depressed and cocoon myself away from the world in my little croft milking the cow, collecting eggs and spinning wool. I will be surrounded by cats and dogs, as they are more reliable than men!

Seriously though, I would just like to meet someone who could make me and Isla happy, and who would like more children as well. In the Gers??? Nah, I don’t think so, hence the need to go back to UK at some point!

Describe something you still want to achieve in your life.

I want to have achieved something worthwhile in my life. The only thing I have done so far is have Isla. That is, in itself, worthwhile, but I want to leave something else behind me. I want people to be able to say about me “she did what she set out to achieve, and she made a difference”. I don’t know how to do that yet, but I’ll think of something. I’m hoping that if I can get into the training for the RSPCA that could be a start.

Describe the greatest changes that you have seen in your lifetime so far.

When I was little there were things in science fiction that I really thought would happen. Like, but the year 2000 we would all be wearing shiny suits, and eating food pills! I also thought we’d all be speaking on video phones and flying around in spaceships. Well, not a lot of that has happened! We don’t wear shiny suits (well apart from Jonathan Ross), we don’t eat food pills and the great majority of us don’t fly around in spaceships. We do, however, have the video phone, sort of. When I was little it was the stuff of dreams; now we just switch on our computers, turn on Skype or MSN and chat to our friends around the world, face to face, and free.
When I think how things have changed just in my lifetime it amazes me. What will things be like when Isla is my age – how will things have changed by then?

When I was small, my parents listened to records on a turntable – since then we have had tapes, cd’s, mp3’s. I listened to music and stories on a walkman, now Isla listens on an iPod!
TV was non-existent when I was growing up in Malawi, and when we finally did get one there it was only with a video player. When we got back to UK, TV was a huge novelty. We had a TV and a video in Scotland, and technology didn’t really change for quite a long time. There were people who had satellite TV back then, but I don’t think it was really worth what they paid for it then. Now satellite TV is commonplace, with boxes with built-in hard drives – Sky + - TV has never been so cool!

It wasn’t until after we moved to France that dvd’s appeared. We had come to France with a pile of videos, knowing that if we wanted to buy any new ones, we’d have to ask other people to buy them, as even internet shopping wasn’t common then.Now we have dvd’s, we can buy them almost anywhere as they are multi language, and if you have a multi region player you can get them from anywhere in the world. Things have gone even further now with blu-ray (not really sure what that is) and you can even watch video files on your computer or your iPod!

Cameras have changed too – my mum and dad had 35mm cameras when I was smaller, and in fact when I started to own cameras they were still using the same type of film.Now I have a great digital camera, and film is nowhere to be seen!
Computers too have changed beyond all recognition. When I was small we had a ZX Spectrum 16k. You attached a tape recorder to the computer, and all the games and programmes were on the tapes! You could also type in lots of garbage and end up with a square on your screen – you could change the colour of the square and if you were really clever you could make the square stripy! This was cool!

We didn’t get another computer for a long time. Eventually we bought one from my dad’s office which was an Amstrad 286 I think, with Windows 3.1.We thought it was great! The next one was a 1gb computer with Windows 95 – it was state of the art for a little while. What makes me laugh is that now my phone has a larger memory than that!!

Which brings us rather neatly onto mobile phones, whilst skipping our more recent computers which aren’t that interesting because they’re modern with Windows XP.
The first mobiles I saw were massive! You had to lug a massive battery pack around and the only place they were really useable was the tops of hills!
Now they’re small and funky, with built in cameras, mp3 players and massive memories! You can send video messages, picture messages and sound clips to people.

You can do your email, watch films, listen to music all on one little piece of kit. How cool is that!

Describe your memories of some major world events that have happened in your lifetime…Part 2

September 11th, 2001 is a date that no one will ever forget. It will go down in history – in fact has already done so.
I was working that day for a former British cabinet minister, from Mrs Thatcher’s time, who shall remain anonymous. He was staying at a château near here, and I was their chef for their holiday.

I was in the kitchen cooking, with the radio on. As the news came on, I was only half heartedly listening, and wasn’t quite sure that I had heard right, or even understood correctly.

The minister man came into the kitchen and asked me if I had heard the news. I said I had, but I wasn’t sure I had understood right and he explained it to me, and I went to watch on the television.

We saw the plane going into the first tower and that was incredible enough, but when the second plane went into the second tower – it defied belief. All I remember feeling is complete disbelief and thinking “oh my god, I’m watching history in the making”. It was complete shock and terror. If they can do that, what else are they capable of? The terror of knowing that so many hundreds of people were trapped in there, seeing scenes of people fleeing through the streets terrified for their lives – it was simply unbelievable.
The one thing I found very hard to understand was that some people there actually had the presence of mind to whip out video cameras to film the whole thing as it happened. I would not have been able to do that – I would have been running fast in the opposite direction with all the other people.
I don’t know how anyone could have got over being involved in that – either first hand or second hand if they had lost someone that day.

The scary fact is that it could happen again. Indeed it did happen in London in 2005 when they tried to cripple the capital with several bombs. Luckily, security had been tightened up to such a degree that what happened in London was by no means as catastrophic as what happened in New York, but they still caused devastation.

Describe your memories of some major world events that have happened in your lifetime…Part 1

The two major world events that I can remember are the death of Princess Diana and the collapse of the twin towers.

I was 20 when Princess Diana died. I had been out on the Saturday night in Dumfries and stayed over at my then boyfriend’s (Jamie) house. On the Sunday morning, I got up quite early and a friend and I nipped out to Tesco’s to get some sausages and bacon for a proper fry up. When we got to the supermarket there were rows and rows of newspapers with the headline “Diana Princess Of Wales 1 July 1961 – 31 August 1997”. I didn’t believe it – I thought it was some sick jokes dreamt up by the media. We got back to Jamie’s flat and the first thing I did was turn the TV on. I can’t remember if we ever actually got our fry up because we just sat staring at the TV watching the reports coming in about her death. I drove home somehow to find my mum, dad and Grandma doing the same thing – just transfixed by everything we were seeing. What amazed me was the public outpouring of grief. I didn’t think that we, as a nation, had that sort of public grief within us. The sea of flowers around Kensington Palace was incredible and it struck me that Diana herself would probably have preferred people to make donations to the charities of which she was patron (or any charity really) rather than spend the fortune that must have been spent on those beautiful flowers. The tide of grief that swept through the country even had an effect on the Royal Family themselves, shaking them out of their private grief because the public needed to see that they cared. Public pressure on them was incredible.

I remember the funeral very clearly. Everyone in the country had the day off work, so everything was shut, at least for a half day. I think there were probably very few people who didn’t watch the funeral. The moment that really got to me was seeing the coffin being transported through the streets with wreaths on top, and a white envelope with “Mummy” written on it. Of course, after that I cried throughout the funeral service. I understand why I cried at the envelope – two small boys had just lost their mother – it was sympathy with them. But why did I cry watching a funeral of someone I never knew and never met? I’ve never particularly been a royalist, or an anti royalist – it doesn’t mean a lot to me.

Maybe it was because she was such a public figure – the poor woman had lived her life in the spotlight and she eventually learned how to use that spotlight to her advantage to help causes that she believed in. I think she was a good person, and too young to die. And I think it was because those two little boys were left without a mother. Diana Princess Of Wales

1 July 1961 – 31 August 1997

What are a few of your favourite things?

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…”

Hmmmm, dogs obviously.
My favourite things presumably means inanimate objects though so:-
iPod
mobile phone
laptop
sweeties
ice cream
Diet Coke!

What are the happiest or greatest memories of your life?

The happiest and greatest memory of my life is obviously having Isla. Not that I remember much about the actual moment!

Other happy memories I have are to do with my childhood and family (which is expanded on in my Random Ramblings and Recipes blog. I also have many happy memories about various pets etc.

Other things that I’m sure will become happy memories to look back on – at least once a week I try to make sure that Isla and I snuggle up to watch something together, every Saturday night we have Saturday Night Party Night playing board games and eating party food, on the run up to Christmas we lie in bed having a cuddle singing Christmas carols very quietly to each other!

Is there anything you would like to change about me?

Not yet, but ask me again when she’s a teenager!!

Describe what you like about me…

I like that Isla is a very happy, well balanced little girl. Despite the fact that there is no Daddy around these days she is very happy and has no lack of male influence in her life as she has my dad – her Dandad!

She is a very bright child – and I mean that in every sense. She’s not only intelligently bright, but also has a bright, sunny personality, with a little bit of cheek and mischief thrown in!

What were you most proud of about me when I was at school?

The one achievement I am most proud of is Isla’s ability in French. She started school at three years old – they can start as young as two if they are dry during the day. The first three years in school are dedicated to learning skills like co-ordination, speech, the correct way to hold a pencil – basic life skills really. And then the hard work starts after that. She found it really hard going to start with, as she could only count up to ten and say I need a pee in French! The teacher had very little English, so it really was sink or swim. Complete immersion. And it worked. Within two years she was completely fluent – her teacher told me that her level of French was no different to that of her classmates. People who say their kids were fluent within a couple of months are lying – it takes a lot longer than that, but it’s worth the tears and trials and tribulations. So yes, Isla’s greatest single achievement so far is becoming completely bilingual.

Also this year I have been very proud because she was finally brave enough to master riding her bike!

What attributes did I have as a child that I still have now?

Again, Isla is still a child. She’s quite a mature child though, and I don’t mean in a precocious way. As I said before, she is good company because she can hold an intelligent conversation. But she still loves her barbies and Playmobil. She’s a very cuddly little girl, but she’s got to the stage where holding hands in the street is just so not cool Mummy! She’s very loving though, and will often come into my bed in the mornings for a cuddle, or into my mum and dad’s bed for a cuddle with them.

She has a few funny little quirks that make me cringe in recognition! On the odd occasion she will come out with the weirdest expressions, and I suddenly remember that I say that, it just sounds weird from a nine year old! I swear she is also the clone of her great grandmother – obsessed by the weather forecast – she went through a stage of getting up early just to watch the météo on French TV! She can also be pedantic and pernickety!

But she’s great and I wouldn't change her for anything!

What was I like when I was a child?

Well, obviously Isla still is a child! She’s very sweet, polite and well behaved most of the time, but she has that cheekiness and mischievousness that makes a child good fun to be with. I love spending time with her. I can’t understand the parents who dread the holidays and spending all that time with their kids. I’m the opposite – I dread term time coming around again because I miss having her around all the time. I actually enjoy my nine year old daughter’s company – and I don’t know many other parents who do.

Describe some of the favourite memories you have of me.

I have so many memories of Isla that are favourites, I don’t think I could number them all here! I love it when she is delighted about something. You know sometimes you watch something or someone? And you get this little bubble of happiness welling up inside you? That’s how I feel about Isla all the time. I can’t think of specific memories, apart from obvious ones like Christmas or birthdays – my favourite memories happen every day.

What was the first word (or words) you remember me saying?

The first word Isla said was, as is apparently normally the case, Dada. Colin was well chuffed, until the Health Visitor told him it was just because that was the easiest sound to make! Mama came pretty closely after, but the first real word was pub! This is not as bad as it sounds!! My life at the time revolved around the pub (again, not as bad as it sounds) because I was working 50 – 70hrs a week. We were short staffed, and at the time I was the only one, apart from the kitchen porters, working in the kitchen. A couple of times, when I got begged to come in on a day off, I would take Isla and stick her in her car seat on top of the deep freeze. Not the most sensible thing to do, but rather than paying childcare for a couple of hours it seemed to work. She got lots of attention and cuddles and tickles each time someone walked past her.

So, it was no wonder her first word was pub!

Before I was born, what other names had you thought of calling me?

If Isla had been a boy, she almost certainly would have been called James Gordon. James after Colin’s father who died when Colin was only about 6yrs old, and because I always liked the name anyway. The Gordon part was after both my dad and my Grandad.

We spent a few evenings sitting with friends going through the baby name book – it was quite fun actually to see what horrific names came up in the books! Colin came up with Samantha…while I have nothing against the name itself (it’s actually quite a nice name) there was no way I could call my child that! In the village we lived in in SW Scotland, the was a mum across the road who would open her door every night and scream out of it “Smamfa” – so there was no way I could use the name after that! Hearing it now still makes me think of Smamfa!

We came up with quite a few traditional Scottish names for her, and eventually settled on Alannah (which is more Irish than Scottish), only for it to be changed when she was born! Ah well, she wouldn’t have suited the original one anyway!

What was my nickname before I was born or when I was young?

When Isla was a tiny baby I used to call her Smiler, because once she could, she didn’t stop! I loved it once she got to the age of baby giggling – too cute.

What did I look like when I was born?

What were my statistics when I was born? Time of birth, weight, height etc…

Due Date – 26/05/1999
Birth Date – 02/06/1999
Place of Birth – Simpsons Memorial Maternity Pavilion, Edinburgh
Time of Birth – 01.32
Weight – 7.03lb, 3190kg
Height – 56cm
APGAR – 1minute test score of 2
5minute test score of 8

What did you think when you first saw me after I was born?

When Isla was first born I actually couldn’t think straight. I had been given pethidine and god knows what else and I was flying high! I mumbled her name to Colin, well what I thought was her name – turned out it was completely different to what we had decided between us, but we both liked it anyway so we kept it! Because she was born by C-section due to being distressed during labour, she was whisked up to the Special Care Baby Unit. Also, she scored really badly the first time they did the APGAR test – luckily the second time she got a great score. She had also swallowed some meconium during labour, so had an infection. All in all, she really wasn’t very well. I don’t know why, but it didn’t occur to me to be worried – it was like I knew she would be just fine. The nurses from the SCBU took a Polaroid picture of her for me, and every time I awoke from my morphine-induced stupor I looked at the picture and thought “Abigail” and then thought, “No, that’s not it, oh, it’s Isla!” Funny what drugs can do!

So, my first thought was Isla’s name, which wasn’t the planned one, then it was Abigail, and then, once the drugs wore off and I could think straight, it was just love.

How long had you known each other when you decided to have children, and how did you feel when you found out you were going to have a baby?

Well…we didn’t exactly decide – it was decided for us! I found out I was pregnant about a month after we moved in together. The timing wasn’t perfect, but we were both happy with it, despite the initial shock and panic!

My main worry was telling my mum. I don’t know why I panicked, it was stupid! She had always told me to do things the right way round – ie. Find a man, marry him, and then have kids – not to do it all the wrong way round like she did. So I worried…and worried…and worried! My mum and dad came up to Edinburgh for the day with my baby nephew, and I spent the whole time trying to break the news. I still didn’t manage it.
I eventually took the coward’s way out. I went home one weekend, and on the Monday morning I wrote a letter, put it in a envelope with the picture of the first scan, and ran away! I told everyone at work to say we were busy so I wouldn’t have to talk to them on the phone, and when I got home I unplugged the phone! I eventually spoke to them the next day, and they suggested that the two of us came home even if just for an overnight to chat about everything. My dad said to me “Be careful on the icy roads…there’s three of you now.” That made me cry.

Once we got home the next evening, we walked into the house, and my mum and dad got the champagne out. They berated me for not telling them sooner, but were happy about the baby.

What was “your song”?

I don’t think we ever had a particular song that meant something to us. I listened to music all the time, Colin did sometimes. The song that always makes me think of him is the Ally MacBeal song, because he loved it.

Isla had a song of her own. When she was tiny, I listened to a lot of music channels on cable TV. My favourite channel that summer was VH1, and there were a lot of good songs released that year – 1999, I still listen to some of those songs! Every time this song would come on, Isla would sit upright in her bouncy chair, stare at the TV, and sort of boogie along to it – it was Mambo Number 5!

What would you do for a night out when you were dating?

A lot of our social life revolved around the pub, as I worked there, he worked just up the road and it was easy.
However, our first proper date was going to Edinburgh Zoo – something I now do every time I go back to Edinburgh. I also went up to the Hillend Ski Centre where he worked one day and we went up on the ski lifts to see the panoramic view of the city and the Firth of Forth. It was amazing, and really quite romantic! We also went to a great Chinese on Lothian Road once. We didn’t really have many “dates”, but we did have fun.

How did you meet your child’s Father?

I met Colin just before I left university, when I was working at the Fairmile Inn in Edinburgh. I was working behind the bar then, and we got chatting. It was his 29th birthday and he was celebrating with friends. I finished early and had a few drinks with them, and we got on really well.

After about three months together we decided we were in love and moved in together. I’m not sure we ever were really in love, or should just have been friends. However, I can’t regret a thing about it, because I ended up with Isla – the most precious person in my life.

What age were you when you started work? What jobs have you had?

Because I lived in the countryside I didn’t start working until I had passed my driving test. I was 18, and the first place I worked was a restaurant/bar at a caravan site near Kirkcudbright (pronounced Kirkoobree for those who don’t know!!) in SW Scotland. I was basically a general dogsbody and the wages were beyond awful! I waited on tables, I worked behind the bar, and I did washing up. I was only there for a couple of months, and by the time I finished there I had such bad dishpan hands that they were bleeding! That was the first time I discovered the wonders of E45 cream! It was a really crappy job.

The second place I worked was at the Co-Op in Dumfries. I was a checkout bimbo! I was also at uni, so I only worked at the weekends, and during the holidays. Occasionally I was asked to work Sunday, which was great as it was a relatively short day but I got paid double time. I worked there for about two years – it gave me enough money to go out every weekend, which was fine for me at that point!

I then got a job at a Mackay’s clothes store at the Gyle shopping centre in Edinburgh. It wasn’t the best job I have ever had, and the manager was an old harridan. Also, she insisted on shortening my name, which I hated and it irritated me beyond belief! The worst thing was that most of my time was spent folding up tops as customers love to come in and just mess things up! Sometimes I would have to work in the teenage section of the shop which was great. All the things in there were trendy – the adult section was dull! The baby section was great too because a lot of the people who came in were excited about new babies – that was fun.
I worked at Mackays during the week while I was at uni in Edinburgh, then at the weekends it was back down to Dumfries so my mum could do my washing and I worked at the Co-Op on the Saturdays!

Not surprisingly, my uni work suffered because I was working too much. I hated university anyway, but I liked living in Edinburgh. I got a full time job at a pub on the outskirts of town – The Fairmile Inn – and quit the Co-Op and Mackays. Oh, I also quit university as I hated it. I couldn’t afford to stay at university anyway without working full time, and I liked working. I started at the pub as a waitress, but quickly moved to the bar. I really loved that, although it was hard work with late finishes. But, my social life and my work life were one and the same and it was great. After a while, due to staff shortages, I ended up working in the kitchen and within the year I was the Head Chef. This was when I knew that this was what I wanted to do. I had always been a very good cook, I was taught by my mum from a young age, and cooking under pressure was such a buzz for me. I stayed there for two years, and the only reason I left was because we got a new manager who brought his own Head Chef with him (who liked ordering pre-prepared meals, not making fresh food) and he wanted to cut everyones’ hours back to 20 a week. At that point I was working about 70hrs a week, and could barely afford the childcare on that. So, I spent a day looking for another job in local pubs, and got one just down the road at the Stable Bar as 2nd Chef. I was happy enough with that, but I was only there for about three months as it was around that time that things went wrong in my life and I moved to France.

The ease of finding jobs was over.

When I got to France I tried very hard to find a job, but after three years of no practice my French wasn’t exactly tip top! I did eventually find a job though, as a barmaid and waitress at a local restaurant. Most restaurants around here are straightforward, serving local produce with no pretensions. This was a very pretentious restaurant, and very expensive. I started on one day at about 10am. There was no discussion about wages or hours, but I assumed they would get around to it. I didn’t have the French to argue at that point. I didn’t get home until 2am. The next day was the same – still no word about money or hours. I went home at about 2am again, and cried all the way home from sheer bloody agony because my feet were red raw and bleeding from blisters. Even working 70hrs a week in a kitchen with lots of responsibility was not as hard as this. I never went back, and never got paid.

The next job I had lasted for two years, despite the fact that I hated it. It was a doddle really, I taught English to kids from 8 to 16 in a variety of local schools. It was great money for the amount of hours I did, but after two years, I really didn’t want to do it any more.

After that, I worked for a friend of ours who had bought a house to renovate and then sell. I painted windows, walls, shutters, you name it – if it stood still it got painted! The money was fantastic – I had never earned so much in my life. I worked for him for probably about 3 or four years. Eventually I had other worked, so gradually stopped working with him. Also, around that time France started to attract the Czechs and Slovaks who came here for work, and were extremely cheap labour.

Two years ago I started working for a local estate agent – part of a massive global chain. This too was short lived. It was commission only. I thought I’d give it a go, but I did not realise it would be so expensive. The company did not pay fuel allowance, even though their staff have to take clients out and about to view properties. In a very rural area you cover a lot of miles. They also did not give any allowance for mobile phones, although they had to be used. In short, there were no allowances for anything, and after I figured out that those three weeks had cost ME €300, I decided it was not worth it. It might be a good job if you have a few thousand behind you to start with, but not for anyone else. Even if I had sold a house within those three weeks, no money would have come through for at least three months.

Anyway, shortly after I left I broke my leg. Lucky I left when I did otherwise it could have cost me even more to earn nothing!!

In between all these jobs I was still doing decorating and gite changeovers with my mum, so there was a little money coming in.

Since the estate agent job that is pretty much what I have been doing, and it now includes gardening as well, which I really quite enjoy. I have been lucky enough to get a few photography jobs – mainly photographing gites for websites, and doing a few portraits.

So, now I am a chef/gardener/cleaner/decorator/photographer. Oh, and a short film maker, but that’s for another post!

Describe any family traditions you had or may still have.

We have never had any particular traditions within our extended family. In our immediate family unit we take birthdays very seriously. A lot of people I know give each other maybe one or two presents on their birthdays. I have never worked on my birthday – I have made a point of it (bar one exam at uni that I couldn’t postpone just because I turned 21!). This goes for all of us! We go way overboard with presents. Birthdays are important because each person only has one special day per year that is all theirs so I think you have to make the most of that. For me, I share my birthday which in one way makes it more special, and in another doesn’t! It’s great that Isla was born on my birthday, but also it means I have to share my special day. So we make sure it is a brilliant day for both of us.

Christmas Day is another day when we have our little rituals. When Isla wakes up (normally not too early – around 8am) she wakes us all up excited because she has found a stocking (now how did that get there!!!). So, we do stocking presents all sitting on the bed. Then, it’s shower time for everyone. We also have a full, cooked breakfast before the presents under the tree are allowed to be opened. Oh, the tree is another tradition – it always has to go all the way up to the ceiling and across a foot or so! So, once we’ve all showered, got dressed in our finery, eaten a good breakfast, poured the drinks (champagne, Baileys, sherry etc) we are allowed to start opening. My dad acts as Father Christmas handing out the presents. In the last few years (since she learned to read) Isla has helped him – she has a habit of only finding the ones with her name on though!!!!!! The present opening can take around two hours – we really do go bananas on presents! After that, there’s normally a toy to build – oh joy! Then we get the roast on – never turkey as none of us like it, so it’s normally lamb but sometimes it’s beef. Grandma is normally with us and doesn’t like beef.

Then in the afternoons the TV normally goes on to watch whatever crap is on, and we sit and play with our new toys – for me it’s usually some new gadget!

I love Christmas and birthdays, and I’ve never quite lost the childish excitement – I think I get even more excited now because I can’t wait to see Isla’s face when she opens her presents and realises that she’s got what she asked Father Christmas for in the letter she sent up the chimney!

I think she may have cottoned on about him, but is just humouring me now!!

What music would you choose for your personal Top 10?

Ok, so I had a real problem doing this one. I went through iTunes and picked out the tracks that have really meant something to me throughout my life. I thought I was being ruthless until I realised that my Top 10 had become my Top 28! I have narrowed it down to a Top 15!

In no particular order:

I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) / Letter From America – The Proclaimers
- Obviously no one who comes from Scotland could dislike The Proclaimers – it’s like saying you don’t like Irn Bru!

Goodbye To Love – The Carpenters
- I adore this song because it has one of the best guitar solos I have ever heard.

Zombie – The Cranberries
- The first song I ever did on karaoke!

Song For A Small Man – Billy Connolly
- This isn’t a comic song. It reminds me of a man I used to know who was an extremely dear family friend.

There Were Roses – Cara Dillon
- This song is about the futility of the Troubles in Ireland

Sweet Child o’ Mine – Guns ‘n’ Roses
- Fabulous song!

Layla – Eric Clapton
- Again, fab song!

Sweet Home Alabama – Lynrd Skynrd
- Probably my favourite song ever, possibly because a friend of mine plays the solo so amazingly well!

Foolish Games – Jewel
- One of those songs that can put a tear in your eyes.

A Case Of You – Joni Mitchell
- I just love the sentiments in this one. Joni Mitchell’s lyrics are like poetry.

Caledonia – Dougie Maclean
- The best song about Scotland ever written.

Flower Of Scotland – The Corries
- Obviously!

The Bell (Tubular Bells 2) – Mike Oldfield
- I’m a big Mike Oldfield fan, but Tubular Bells 2 was brilliant.

Au Fond Du Temple Saint (from The Pearl Fishers) – Bizet
- I don’t know what it is about this particular piece of music, but it just moves me.

Clarinet Quintet (I Allegro) – Mozart
- The reason for loving this piece is not at all highbrow or cerebral! It is used a lot in the final episode of M*A*S*H. I had never heard it before seeing this episode, and it is just a beautiful piece of music.

What was the first piece of music you bought?

I don’t know if it could be classed as “a piece of music” exactly – there’s certainly nothing highbrow or clever about it, and you have to remember I was only ten at the time! The first record (see, that’s how old I am!) I bought was Kylie Minogue’s first album – the one with I Should Be So Lucky on it! Not long after, I bought the single of Especially for You by Kylie and Jason!!

Sad eh?!

Did you have an idol when you were young? Tell me who and why.

I never had any idols that I looked up to when I was younger. I had pin-ups obviously – only they weren’t the normal ones like Tom Cruise (short arse little twerp now) or whoever else the teeny boppers liked. On my walls, I had massive posters of Axl Rose, Slash, Eric Clapton and Mel Gibson! I loved Mel Gibson, and my dad actually went into the local newspaper office and acquired some movie stills for me! I was well chuffed!

I have never really had anyone who I’ve looked up to that much, or who I would like to be like. I think probably now, one of my main idols would be Joni Mitchell, but that’s just because I love her early music.

What were your favourite hobbies when you were young?

I don’t remember having any hobbies as such when I was a child. There were things I liked to do, but nothing I was passionate about, and I kind of think the word “hobby” implies passion about one particular thing.

I played the recorder – badly! I used to watch the person next to me as it took me years to be able to read music, and consequently I was always about half a note behind everyone else! Not that it mattered; the music teacher was tone deaf anyway!

I swam a lot – our school had swimming galas every year, and it was something I was actually very good at. I did get my bronze ASA award (can’t remember what it stands for), which taught you haw to life save and swim long distances. I didn’t do the silver award, as I couldn’t be arsed!

Ah, I think I’ve thought of one. I was passionate (and still am) about reading. As we didn’t have TV in Malawi when I was small, and until much later we didn’t even have TV and video (there was a local video club – people would go back to UK on holiday, tape loads of things and put the tapes in the video club) I was a voracious reader. Every time we had to have the rabies vaccines I got a new book. My mum always said I could have a new book if I managed not to cry! I always did cry, but I still got the book! And I would have finished it by the time we got home! I have always been an extremely fast reader – I don’t skim, I do read properly, but I have never met anyone who reads as fast as me.

I don’t understand people who don’t read – I’ve always felt rather sorry for them. They are missing out on a whole different world. I love to open a book, and lose myself within its pages.

Who was your best friend as a teenager…and why?

I had a few best friends when I was a teenager. When I was at Fettes my best friend was called AB – and we got into loads of trouble together. I lost touch with her after I left, and am sort of in touch with her again now on Facebook.

When I moved to school in Dumfries it took me a while to make the really good friends who I am still friends with today. It takes me a while to get to know people well – I’m really quite a shy person. I’d hang out by the school gates smoking before school and during break times, and got to know Lara and S (who I later had a relationship with – S, not Lara!)

I don’t remember how I got to know Colette. Maybe it was because we caught the same bus home. Anyway, she and I became best buddies, and through her I became friends with Lyndsey and Joocey (real name not supplied as she’s another blogger).So there was a little group of us. None of us were the “popular” kids, but we weren’t the unpopular ones either. I would say within our year group we were pretty average. The popular ones were all pretty bitchy anyway, and quite a few of them never made it into 5th or 6th year as the rest of us did. We were all just pretty damn clever!

Anyway, I’m still very close to Joocey and Lara although we don’t see each other very often. I haven’t seen Joocey since my Japan trip in April last year, and I haven’t seen Lara for years, but we keep in touch all the time through emails, blogs, facebook and msn. When Joocey and I get together it’s as though we only saw each other yesterday, and I’m sure when Lara and I manage to see each other it’ll be the same!

What did you want to be when you grew up?

I can’t really remember having any fixed idea about what I wanted to do when I grew up. My friends and I played teachers, doctors and nurses and mummies and daddies obviously! I think probably being a teacher scored pretty highly, at least until I grew up enough to discover that teachers are just big whining kids who have never left school in their lives and have no idea what living in the real world entails.

I know I wanted to be a mummy – I know that sounds completely lacking in ambition! But I was only small!

When I was older and choosing where to go to university I decided that what I really wanted to do was to become an interpreter. I hated every minute of university. To be fair, maybe it was the course. I should have accepted the offer from St Andrews, which would not have meant doing awful courses like economics, accounts and business studies. That was just a straight French degree. But it’s easy to say in hindsight. If I had completed my degree my French would not have been any better than it is now – I could speak it before I moved to France, and can speak it much better now, and have a much larger vocabulary. A degree could not have improved on practical usage.

So what do I want to do with the rest of my life now?

I’m damned if I know!

What were you best at when you were at school?

Believe it or not, when I was very small at primary school my best thing was sport! Not the running around type – oh no! But I adored swimming, and I was very good at it. I was also really good at high jump and long jump – again, two sports that don’t require a lot of running! I used my asthma as an excuse for the rest of them!

I can’t remember any subjects I was really good at when I was small, except for reading and spelling. I was a champion speller! I have always been a very fast reader, and when I left the school in Malawi the headmaster was delighted because I had read all the books in the school library! Not many people can claim to have read Dickens by age 9 – abridged or not!

When I got to secondary school it quickly became obvious that I was very good at modern languages. For my Highers I did English (B), French (A), Spanish (A), Italian (A) and Modern Studies (D). I have never counted the Modern Studies, as I’ve always considered the D to be a fail – but people have got into universities on D’s! I only took the subject to fill in my timetable – there was nothing else I was capable of doing. I did pass all my Standard Grades which included sciences etc, but I had to have a tutor for maths. I did pass maths, quite well, but if you asked me to explain a quadratic equation I wouldn’t have a clue! Seriously, languages were it for me!

Lucky really, seeing as I now live in France!

What sort of pets did you have when you were young?

Ever since I can remember we have had dogs in our family.

When I was born we lived in Portsmouth. My mum had a Golden Retriever called Honey who was lovely. We also had a large golden Labrador called Linus who actually belonged to my aunt and uncle (R&D). He chewed all my toys! We also had a cat – a big ginger tabby called TC – very imaginative – he also belonged to R&D.

When we moved to Malawi we had to leave Honey with my gran – and Linus too obviously, as he wasn’t ours anyway. My dad already had two dogs there – a Rhodesian Ridgeback called Henry, and a golden retriever crossed with god knows what called Eska.

My dad had a cat called Bert – he had sort of Siamese/Burmese colouring and was a cool cat – he ate spicy food and his favourite was samosas!

I’m not too sure on the chronology of the next lot of dogs, but after that we had Koma (beautiful in Chichewa – the local language), a Red Setter puppy. He was very sweet and his favourite pastime was chasing butterflies! He died at about a year old from rabies. He had what is called dumb rabies, which means that the dog becomes paralysed from the muzzle backwards. So, there was no danger of being bitten, but the worst thing was that to prove it was rabies (to qualify for the vaccine ourselves) we had to wait until he died from it. He could not be put down. Luckily, I don’t remember any of it – I was only very small. He did eventually die, and it was proved to have rabies. He must have been bitten by a rat or a mongoose or something in the garden. I do remember that we were all heartbroken.
We then had to organise vaccines, and not just for us. We were told to count all the people who had been in our house for the past three weeks (not sure of timescale but something like that). All these other people had to have the vaccine too. Some of them were kids who were at boarding school in UK, and had been out on holiday. So, their parents had to contact the school and get them to organise it – easier said than done, especially then. I mean, this must be around 25 years ago at least. The vaccines hurt – big time. They were in the underside of the forearm, the needle went in quite shallowly, and you ended up with like a big bubble under your skin. It hurt like hell, and for a while I think we had to have one a day, then one a week, then a yearly booster. Something like that anyway – it may have been less, but it was a traumatic experience and I just remember tons of them. My mum used to buy me an Enid Blyton book each time – I got quite a collection! It left me with a complete phobia of needles though, which I have to this day.

Anyway, back to pets. I have no idea when any of the earlier pets died, except for Koma, but I was only very small. At some point we got a cat – he was sort of a black tabby I think, and we called him Huggy Bear after the character in some TV show. I don’t know much about 80’s TV either because we just didn’t get that in Malawi! He was a cool cat. We also got a German Shepherd puppy who we called Kali (fierce in Chichewa). She was a big softy, and slept on my bed.
A while after we got her, some friends of ours left, and they had a big, fierce German Shepherd called Samson. We had to travel up to Lilongwe (the capital) to collect him, and he had been doped up for the journey. When we got home, and the drugs wore off he was a completely different dog. All the ferociousness had disappeared (apart from when he was being a guard dog!), and he followed my mum everywhere, even crying outside the toilet if she was in there!
Also, around this time, we rescued another Red Setter, an elderly dog, called Tasha. She was very sweet, but totally dippy!

When we left Malawi, we just had Kali, Samson and Tasha left. We homed Tasha with my friend R’s parents, and Kali and Samson went to my other friend L’s parents. So it worked out beautifully all round.

When we got to Scotland it took a little while to get a dog. All our belongings were being transported across the high seas in a crate, so there wasn’t much we could do until we had turned our house into a home. When it finally did arrive, and everything felt right, my mum and dad came home one day with a tiny black Labrador puppy. He was adorable. He was (technically) my dad’s dog, and he named him Chaka Zulu, after the biggest, blackest bugger he could think of. That’s not meant to be un-PC at all by the way! Anyway, my dad was the only one who ever called him Chaka – his name very quickly got shortened to Lulu – not very butch for the big, black dog he turned into. But he was Lulu until the day he died – now more commonly known as Saint Lulu! He was definitely the most intelligent dog I have ever had – I swear he knew everything you were talking about, and during my teenage years I quite often sobbed out my woes to him, and he’d put his head on my knee and look up at me with those big dark brown eyes and make me feel all better!
At about the same time as we got Lulu, we also got Bracken, a Golden Retriever puppy. She was lovely, and we tried to have puppies with her, but in the end only two survived. She died herself at two years old from cancer. It was really my first experience of death.

We got another retriever quite a while later. She was a Camrose retriever, which meant she was almost white instead of golden. She was lovely, although she definitely had a mind of her own! We eventually tried the puppy thing again with her, but again it didn’t work. Out of 10 puppies, only one survived, so of course, we kept him and called him Harvey. He was very sweet, but a total mummy’s boy! He would hide behind her if he thought he was in trouble – even when he got bigger than her!
These three dogs, Lulu, Barley and Harvey, lasted well into my adulthood, and we actually brought them to France with us. Barley got tick fever after six months here and died. She could have been saved, as we have since found out, but the vet did not want to do anything to save her, as she was 12yrs old. Then, two months later, Lulu had a stroke and died. He was 14 and a half.

Left on his own, Harvey stopped eating because he was pining for his mum and his friend. We ended up going to the SPA to rescue a dog, and rescued two! We got a Pyrenean Mountain Dog who we called Ben – of indeterminate age, and an 8-month-old pup who was a spaniel up to his knees and an Alsatian on top! We called him Fleet. The SPA told us that Fleet had kennel cough, but he was dead within 10 days – our new vet said it was not kennel cough after all, but distemper – a highly infectious canine disease. We had to bleach the entire house to ensure that Ben and Harvey didn’t get it. That was awful.
After a couple of years I got a golden Labrador puppy, and called her Champers, because she was Champagne coloured! Then we got another golden Labrador called Islay – yes, the same as Isla – she was about 6yrs old when we got her, so it was much too late to change her name!!
Anyway, Ben died suddenly one day – the vet said it was probably a heart attack, and we never knew his age exactly, but giant dogs don’t have a very long lifespan.

We now have Islay, Champers and Murphy – a dopey Newfoundland.

We also have several cats now – Pepper, Spice, Stompy (their kitten – the others we found homes for), Thomas (Isla’s cat) and two gentleman callers that we have called Ralph (pronounced the posh way – Rafe) and Julian because they seem like a pair of cads!

This has gone way beyond my childhood animals, but once I started I couldn’t stop until I got to the end!